you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
