I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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