i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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