she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
