dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
