Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
