It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
