1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
