There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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