Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
