i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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