i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
