Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize