is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
