So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
