you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
