ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
