she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
