One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
