Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
