Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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