Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
