Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
