The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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