He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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