Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
