I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
