Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize