you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Less talking, more tequila
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
