Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize