I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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