Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
