Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
