Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
