wrigley field is MILF paradise
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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