I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
