u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
