Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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