I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
