Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
