tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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