Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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