i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize