Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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