she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
