Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I faked an abortion last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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