OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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