See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
