this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
