guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
