I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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