I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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