I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
