she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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