actually, I'm a sock model
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
