she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
