this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
