Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
