My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
someone owes me an orgasm
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
