I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
