His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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