Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
