I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize