I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
