I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
