kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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