I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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