Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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