Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
