wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
