I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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