I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
