i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
