Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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