I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
