she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There r osticjed everywhere
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
