He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
