so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I want you more than these girls want KFC
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
