I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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