He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
