last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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