dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
