Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
