my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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