guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
