i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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