I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
