god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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