i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
