I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
