I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
