I wish life had little blips of pornography
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
