we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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