i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
