my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
