she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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