did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everyone is single if you try hard enough
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
