god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think i got beer on your cat.
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