I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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