Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just had sex bonerless
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
