If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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