I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
