Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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