I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
